The Big Return

I was reminded recently returning to work after maternity leave is one of the strangest transitions there is, particularly the first time around.

You go from living in a bubble of feeds, nappies and sleepless nights, a world that shrinks down to one tiny person (or two, in my case) needing you every hour of the day - to walking back into meetings, decisions and deadlines as if nothing has changed.

Nothing has changed. And yet, everything has.

It brought back so much of what I remember from that time: the joy, the fear, the self-doubt and the sheer amount of winging it that every new parent does. Although, to be honest, I’m not sure the winging-it part ever goes away. Nearly 16 years in and I’m still doing it daily.

There’s the doubt: Can I still think the way I used to? There’s the guilt: Am I doing right by my career, or by the tiny, demanding, incredible human I’ve just spent months completely absorbed by? And there’s the question nobody really has an answer to: What is balance even supposed to look like now?

If you’re the one returning, take it a day at a time. Feel all of it, the joy, the guilt, the fear. Talk to your colleagues about how you’re feeling. You are far from the only person who has felt this way.

And if you work with someone coming back from parental leave, ask yourself:

Have I checked in? Have I played my part in making this transition a little easier?

Because the numbers suggest too many people are still coming back without the support they need.

Research reported by People Management found that only 17% of mothers felt confident about returning to work, while 70% experienced stress, anxiety or dread about the transition.

A Totaljobs/Fawcett Society study of 3,000 UK working parents found more than 80% of working mothers struggled when returning, with 30% receiving no employer support.

And the impact can go well beyond those first difficult weeks. Government research shows how dramatically women’s employment trajectories can change after having children: among women who worked full-time before birth, 44% were still working full-time three years later, falling to 31% after five years.

Of course, for some, stepping away from work is absolutely a choice, and I’m in awe of those who choose to stay at home. That is certainly not the easier option!

But perhaps what strikes me most is how human this whole transition is.

Becoming a parent changes you. Returning to work asks you to navigate two versions of yourself at once - the person you were before and the person you are now.

And yet, in a place where we spend so much of our lives, we can sometimes forget to make room for the human being going through it.

The nerves. The guilt. The excitement. The fear. The exhaustion. The feeling that everyone else knows what they’re doing when you’re still figuring it out. We don’t need to pretend those feelings aren’t there. We need to lean into them.

Ask how someone is doing. Really listen. Give them space to find their feet. Remind them that they don’t have to have it all figured out on day one.

Because sometimes the most meaningful support isn’t a policy, a programme or a process.

It’s simply one human being recognising what another human being is going through and asking:

“How are you finding being back - really?”